you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
