im six kinds of drunk right now
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
