anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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