I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
