You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
