she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
