addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize