Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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