I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
