Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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