That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I am naked and annoyed.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
