It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Still dying that you shit outside
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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