His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
