I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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