i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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