Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
