I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
