He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
