he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
