Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
