i think my tv is drunk
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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