Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
