She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
