I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
