would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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