Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
