I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
