do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
