If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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