I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
