I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
