i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
