and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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