farters have to be the big spoon...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
