was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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