Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
