I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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