Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
