smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
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i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
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Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
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