new low.... made out with someone while peeing
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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