I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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