I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
