That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
