Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
