Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
