Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
