I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
