After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
