I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
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You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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