he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
