Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
