Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You're like the curious george of whores
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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