I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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