True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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