I want to stick my p in your. b.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
