u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
