just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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