oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
