Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
