theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
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I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
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You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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