I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
