I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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