you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
