dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
