He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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