When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
