"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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