Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
