Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
